Poop Talk

Having pre-child conversations seemed like a million years ago!  How was your day?  What strategies did you use to deal with your angry client?  Do you have enough vacation days to cruise to the Bahamas?  Those were the days when parents were unencumbered by “Baby Talk”!  Now-a-days, the first conversation straight through the door, is “How many times did Baby poop?”  “Was it gushy or solid?”  And without blinking an eye, your partner excitedly joins in the conversation!

 When did we stray so far off the path to sanity! Poop talk sure doesn’t make any sense to those people who don’t have children.  That stinky shade of brown and yellow poop, streaking up baby’s back and smelling like a gaseous pile of cow dung, is of vital importance to parents, especially first time parents!  You check poop to make sure your child is going regularly (what is regularly if you are only four weeks old?), and you count the number of times each day that baby makes one.  You follow up on consistency: Was it too brown, not enough brown (in compared to what? your own poop?), too watery, too hard?  Did baby skip a day?  Or did someone else (God forbid) change baby’s poop and not make a big deal about it?  Translated—forgot to tell you about the pooping process.  Did baby grunt too hard or was it a sneaky poop?  Were there any follow up smaller poops staining the diaper?  You, as parents, you want all the detail.  Leave positively nothing out!

 

 As a grandparent, I get grilled upon the arrival home of my adult children-- home from their precious little time together.  I try to ask them if they enjoyed their time out.  I know that look—serious and yet pretending to be nonchalant, waiting for me to blurt out the evenings doings with baby—first though, the pooping.  What happened?  Were there any gross poops that make for family folklore about a two pound poop combined with giant farting and baby grunting?  My adult children almost look disappointed if I tell them that all went well, the baby pooped, and we both went on with our lives.  I always beat them to the punch with color, texture, depth, number of poops. Then the sigh!  Ahhhh…all’s well with the world as long as the parents get the scoop on the poop!  And then, if the baby does poop, my daughter will ask, “What did you do with the diaper?”  What did she think I would do with a dirty, stinky poopy diaper?  I guiltily tell her, “I wrapped it up and placed it ‘ lovingly’  in the trash, dear,” I am somewhat sarcastic.  Not a good move to make light of poop! This is serious business that requires a serious answer.  I laugh.  Again, not a good thing. Maybe if I get the poop out of the pail and place it in the right pooping resting place she’ll forgive me for disrespecting poop!  

 

I know, intellectually, that the fate of the nation does not rest on a baby’s poop, but to keep sanity and parents happy, I must treat poop with respect.

 

I do know, for example, that poop reveals that the nutritional needs of the baby are being met.  Poop indicates how a baby’s liver is working.  The milk stimulates the GI tract which stimulates the liver and bile ducts and thus the yellow-brown color.  Usually, formula fed babies have a bowel movement a couple of times a day and breastfed babies at least once every several days.  But that can be different too.  And the GI tracts being immature can account for anything goes in the poop business. Remember that every child is different; some small babies are large sized poopers and some large babies poop less often.  But it all comes out in the end! 

 

Tip:  Poop Talk is important business for parents to discuss with important people in their lives.  It can tell a keenly aware parent whether a child is sick or well.  It is more important to be aware of just how frequently your baby poops so you can get some ’juicy” tales to tell baby when he/she is older—“Poop Tales”.  Place Poop in Perspective. Soon you will be talking about Pooping in the Potty, but that’s another story!